Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Danko Jones - Fire Music

"I wanna save the world and fuck in toilet stalls"
That may be the smartest lyric in the history of Rock N' Roll if not the best.  I fucking love Danko Jones.  Which kinda sucks because the country I live in seems to go to great lengths to keep him from crossing our border. I can say for certain I am not King of this land because if I was Danko Jones would play every Super Bowl, sing the national anthem at my christening (That's a thing for Kings right?) and I would only wipe my ass with toilet paper endorsed by my official Ambassador of Kick Ass.  (Danko)
Since I can only inspire to make all things right in the world I may as well take my personal powers (bias) and use it to wield a subtle change and explain why you are wrong to not love Danko. Well as much as I can with a record review.
I have three (count em') complaints about Danko Jones.
1. I can't purchase the song Rock N Roll Proletariat
2. I live in Minnesota which is basically Canada of the United States.  He should come here more often.
3. He's not my BFF

 Ambassador Of Kick Ass
After the eternal chub I got from his 2010 release Below The Belt I was a little let down by it's follow up Rock N Roll Is Black N Blue.  (The fanboy in me wants to disagree but it's true) so, I really want to like this record.  Here's the thing.  Danko is what's right about Rock N Roll.  Every musician, no matter the genre', should approach their craft with the same realness Danko does.  Rock N' Roll is very real to him.  Drugs booze and bitches only work if you do it well.  A boring song about boning a groupie is really just a boring song.  But a great song about killing so many people you need body bags (ie. plural) is a great song.  If you don't get that you won't get Danko.  Or good music.  Why are you reading this?
The first song Wild Woman is of course an upbeat rocker.  Danko seems to have fallen for a girl that won't listen to love anymore.  And she's wild.  And a woman.  Pretty straight up.  Kind of reminds me of Dio in that he would always start his records with an upbeat song that was good but not great.   
The Twisting Knife has that punk Danko feel.  It's on songs like this his similarity to Michael Graves singing really hits.  On the first few listen's this was flyover for me.  But it's really quite good.
Gonna Be A Fight Tonight stays the course.  Danko don't do slow.  From twilight up til' dawn.  Danko stays true to his formula.  Which is quite simple:  Kick ass and take a shower.  Body Bags is the song about killing so many people you need a shovel and multiple body bags.  A Ziploc commercial tie in seems reasonable.  This song... I love.
Live Forever may be my favorite.  I can't tell if the woman is alive or dead but she is smooth like butter.  This is Danko at his best.  This song is so Great if it were a wall it would keep out Monguls.  There is so much rock in this song you need a Geologist's to transcribe it for guitar.
Do You Wanna Rock asks the obvious.  Do I wanna rock?  Well that depends.  Does a Canadian buy health insurance before crossing the U.S. border?  Probably the closest thing to filler on this record.  Kind of that fake jammy thing turned into a song.  I do wanna rock.  Just not to this. 
Getting Into Drugs is where you'll hear what I christened (still a thing right) the smartest lyric in rock history.  Danko is well known for his straight shooter ways but his powers of observation haven't been weakened by his sobriety.  He nails (although satirically) the attitude of abusers regardless of addiction.  Plus it's a great song.  Unfortunately its making me regret giving up Lucy.
Watch You Slide is, of course, upbeat and frankly... kinda weak.  Thankfully I Will Break Your Heart is a reminder why you bought this record.  It's as close to a slow song as you will get from Danko.  And it's awesome.  Piranha is a throwaway that screams "You can do better".  The record ends with She Ain't Coming Home which again harkens to post Danzig Misfits.  Killer track to end a killer record.
If you live anywhere but the United States... buy this record.  If you live in the United States... buy this record.  You just have to pay for an import or wait until April 21st for some reason.  That is all.

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